Remixed Phantom Songs: The Classics
by The Red Daisy
Summary: So, this is the updated version of my original collection "Remixed Phantom Songs." I'm starting to differentiate my parodies based on the sort of music they're written around. I don't exactly listen to conventional stuff, but these songs are common.
1. Overture

**Overture**

So, this is a fancy-schmantzy author's note. First off, I'd like to state that I don't own the Phantom of the Opera or any of the songs that my parodies are based around. I do own my ideas, the parodies themselves, and my first amendment rights.

Anyway, that being said, I'd also like to say that all of the songs contained in this phanphic parody are based on the 2004 movie (1. Because it sucks and 2. Because it's easy to make fun of.) unless stated otherwise at the beginning of a song. Most of these parodies you've seen before (that is, if you bothered to read my humble little collection), but some of them have been reworked slightly for tempo, syllable length, and various other reasons.

So, without further ado, happy reading my friends!


	2. Opera and Co!

**Opera and Co.  
Written in March of 2008  
**To the tune of "Jacob and Sons" from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

_(This song revolves around the Leroux novel. Oh, and if you didn't already know this, Gaston Leroux seems to have a love affair with exclamation points. So...I used them rather liberally throughout)_

**Gaston Leroux  
**Way way back, about a century ago,  
Not long before the counterweight fell,  
Opera Garnier was said to be haunted,  
But everything seemed to be going well.

Opera! Opera and Co.!  
Working long hours for minimum wage.  
Opera! Opera and Co.!,  
Be it cleanin' the foyer or singin' on stage.

Erik was the Phantom of the Opera house,  
Due to the world who hated him most,  
He was also called an Angel, but all other times,  
The ballet and chorus would call him "Ghost!"

Opera! Opera and Co!,  
People of the house of dancing and song,  
Opera! Opera and Co!,  
You may get confused here, it won't be long.

Erik was the first of all the employees,  
With Philippe and Daroga, next in line.  
Sorelli and Jammes, with Raoul and Buquet,  
Meg and Madame Giry took the total to nine.

Opera! Opera and Co.!  
Moncharmin and Firmin,  
Which leaves only one.  
Opera! Opera and Co.!

Christine, now we've really begun,  
Opera! Opera and Co.!  
Opera! Opera and Co.!  
Opera! Opera and Co.!  
Opera, opera, opera, opera and Co.!

**Erik  
**_**(snazzy little piano entry)  
**_Christine Daae, she was my ingenue,  
She had the best voice that I ever knew!  
And Christine was my love because,  
She was so sweet and pure!

**Leroux  
**With young Christine,  
Erik lived a normal life.  
Taught her, sang with her,  
Had plans to make her his wife.  
But it made Raoul,  
Give a scowl,  
Cause Christine loved Erik more!

**Raoul  
**Christine loves this Angel guy,  
But I think he's all a lie!

**Leroux  
**But where Raoul had really missed the boat is...

**Raoul  
**I'm a great guy, but she doesn't seem to notice!

**Leroux  
**Christine's candor and charming ways,  
Quickly set Raoul's heart ablaze!  
But the vicomte couldn't see the danger,  
He could not imagine any danger.  
He just saw Christine and nothing else at all...  
_**(piano music)**_

**Leroux  
**Ra-oul wan-ted to show Erik he loved Christine,  
So he gave her a shiny engagement ring.  
And Raoul was pleased, because it showed,  
Christine loved him more!

**Erik  
**Thanks to that stupid foppish little swine,  
Christine's heart is now no longer mine!  
I'll tie a rope around the vicomte's throat  
And he'll die from a lack of air!

**Leroux  
**But as Erik thought it through,  
He wondered 'bout his ingenue.  
That night Christine was due to sing,  
His pride and joy, his little Christine!

The evening of her big debut,  
Phantom had a trick or two.  
He shut off all the lights, and when they came on,  
The crowd gasped 'cause Christine Daae was gone!  
Yes Chris-tine Da-ae was no lon-ger there!  
_**(piano music)**_

**Leroux  
**Raoul and the Persian weren't too pleased by what went on

**Persian  
**Erik did this, of that we can be sure,  
And now this ghoul has got your girl.  
He's probably got somethin' planned!

**Leroux  
**Both men fell in the torture room  
Both were certain they'd met their doom  
If Christine didn't marry Erik,  
The opera'd go down and take everybody with it!

**Erik  
**I am sincere, my word is true!  
Marry me, or I'll die with you!

**Daroga  
**Such a fiendish plot; I never knew it!  
Well vicomte, it looks like we blew it!

**(sarcastic) Raoul  
**You're sure mis-ter pos-it-ivi-ty!

**Christine  
**Scorpion or Grasshopper?  
Erik or ex-plo-sion?  
Life or death, well  
I can't choose!

Scorpion or Grasshopper?  
Erik or ex-plo-sion?  
Life or death, well  
I can't choose!

**Erik  
**I am sincere, my word is true!  
Marry me or I'll die with you!

**Christine  
**Scorpion or Grasshopper?  
Erik or ex-plo-sion?  
Life or death, well,  
I can't choose!

Scorpion or Grasshopper?  
Erik or ex-plosion?  
Life or death, well,  
I can't choose!

Scorpion or Grasshopper?  
Erik or ex-plo-sion?  
Life or death, well,  
I can't choose!

I have decided, I've turned the key  
Time to face re-al-ity  
I have decided, I've turned the key  
Time to face re-ality

Oh Erik, I have turned the scorpion!


	3. Phantom of the IHoP

**Phantom of IHop  
**_**written in winter of 2007**_

**Christine  
**In sleep he called to me  
In dreams he came  
The scent that lingers on  
and calls my name.  
And can I sleep again,  
for now I find...  
The Phaaaantom of the IHop is here  
with muffins in my mind!

**Phantom  
**Clean the kitchen with me  
in a boring duet  
The pile of dishes you see  
towers over you yet.  
And I know how much  
you want to run away...  
But the Phaaaaantom of the IHop is here...  
to make you stay!

**Christine  
**Those that drive by this place  
rarely come in here  
I am the waitress they see.

**Phantom  
**I'm the cook they hear

**Both  
**And in this wonderland  
where pastries abound  
The Phaaaantom of the IHop is here  
deep underground...

**Phantom  
**Sing, my waitress of muffins!  
_-music stops-_

**Christine  
**I can't. Why else would I work here?

**Phantom  
**Oh. I...hadn't quite taken that into consideration. Well...what other talents do you have.

**Christine  
**...I can play the kazoo...

**Phantom  
**Close enough.


	4. Monkey Queen

**Monkey Queen  
Written March of 2010  
**Parody of "Fairytale" by Alexander Rybak

_**-Rustic sounding fiddle music-**_

**Sarah Brightman  
**Years ago, when I was famous  
I dated this guy I knew  
He wrote songs and I sang them  
You could say I was his muse

I married Sir Lloyd-Webber  
It's wasn't the best choice  
Cuz he made me sing 'til I passed out  
and destroyed my voice!

_**-more rustic sounding fiddle music-**_

Every day was endless practice  
'Til I turned the color of a grape  
Crawford was pronounced a demi-god  
I got likened to an...ape...!

I dunno what they were thinking  
When they shipped me off to the zoo!  
Nowadays, I live with primates  
And over them, I rule!

I am now the Monkey Queen  
Chimps bow down to me!  
We frolic in the London Zoo  
And I teach them to sing!

_**-more fiddling-**_

I'M THE MONKEY QUEEEEEEEEEEN! YEAH!  
Chimps bow dowdn to me!  
We frolic in the London Zoo  
And together we SING!


	5. If Daroga Pays a Visit

**If Daroga Pays a Visit  
**To the tune of "Death Will Never Conquer" by Coldplay

_(Just a note: This song may seem a bit scrambled, but it's the Leroux Erik's musings on Daroga. I assume a bit much to expect his thoughts to be anything but discordant.)_

**Erik**  
If Daroga starts to look for me,  
I'll be home, yeah, I'll be home  
When he starts a-searchin', I think I'll let him be  
But go away, please, go away...

One day Daroga's gonna anger me.  
I'll send him down where the siren sings!  
I'll bet that Heaven has a place for him  
Such a shame, yeah, such a shame...

_**-Southern gospel style piano solo-**_

If Daroga starts to look for me  
I'll be down in my home below!  
When I see him comin', I think I'll let him be  
But he should go, yeah, he should go.

If I see hm comin', I think I'll tell Ol' D,  
He should leave me the hell alone!


End file.
